


THEN LOVE HIM,

by incarus



Category: The 100 (TV), The 100 Series - Kass Morgan
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Angst with a Sad Ending?, Bellamy Deserves the World, Clarke Deserves the World, F/M, First Love, If Gina were Alive, Love, Pain, Sad Bellamy, Sad Clarke, Second Chances, Slow Burn, Timeskip, Tribute to Gina
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-18
Updated: 2018-07-18
Packaged: 2019-06-12 10:46:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,121
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15338187
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/incarus/pseuds/incarus
Summary: "No, no, no. Because I knew he had you, and he had everyone!" Gina says crying."He loved you! More than anything, and you think that can be easily dismissed?" Clarke gets up from the chair, now standing to feel slightly weak.





	THEN LOVE HIM,

**Author's Note:**

> prompt: your first love vs. your eternal love (non-canon)
> 
> with love, there come sacrifices. yet that's how you know the love is pure and true. - nica

Growing up she got everything she wanted, all the wishes granted. All thanks to her parents, the famous doctors and compliant citizens of Arkadia. That was until today, the one thing she couldn't have or what the world believed she didn't deserve, Bellamy Blake.

Clarke has been on and off in Arkardia, being able to help people across the world whenever she is given the opportunity. Though today is a day she cannot skip out on, even when she wants to the most.

He was getting married today and she wasn't, because she wasn't meant to be the love of his life. Just one of the very few people he trusts and loves unconditionally. As Clarke stands outside the church, a little bit early because of Octavia and the other girls deeply excited to see Bellamy get married and of course the bride to be, Gina. Even though Clarke smiles and is wholeheartedly happy for the two, her heart is forever going to be heavy, especially behind the reason as to why Gina and Bellamy are going to get married.

_Bellamy and Clarke have been dating for a good year and 2 months, and they were proud to say to one another and to everyone that they are DEEPLY in love. As every day was an adventure they were excited to journey together, as being each others company was all they really needed, as the words and whispers they said to each other held intense amounts of passion and adoration. Because what can they say except, they're in love._

_The gang and the couple had organized one of their weekly gatherings at Raven's house and the house contained lots and lots of alcohol, lots of chips and dip and lots of laughter and love. Throughout the night Clarke had been wondering where Bellamy had been, or where he had gone off to. Since Murphy and Miller were both preoccupied with the PlayStation but there was no Bell... Then instead, Clarke walked around the house to look for Octavia hoping she would know where he is, along the way she saw Raven and Shaw making out on the kitchen counter and Monty and Jasper mixing up different types of alcohol._

_Clarke went to the back door which leads to the not really spacious backyard and she sees Octavia on the phone with Lincoln by her side. Clarke raises her brows because of the position Lincoln and Octavia were in, it almost seemed like he was... Comforting her? Clarke's stomach began to churn and it really began to make Clarke worry, though it can't have anything to do with Bellamy since he was literally right here beside her not too long ago. The curiosity is getting to Clarke, though it finally ends when she hears Octavia murmur into the phone "I love you too" And ends it. Looking up to her partner with sad eyes._

_Clarke musters up the courage to walk towards the two, hesitant to even utter a word, in fear or getting bad news in return. Octavia turns around feeling the presence of someone approaching them, "Clarke... I was just about to get you" That's all she needed to hear, she knew it was going to ruin this great night they were all having._

_"I'm here now, so what's up" Clarke forces up a smile to Octavia, to not put her off in this situation they were in. Lincoln and Octavia's eyes meet and their eyes flicker in all directions of their face as if they were having a small conversation of their own._

_"It's– It's Bellamy, he's at the hospital" Octavia holds her gaze at Clarke, waiting for a response or reaction in return._

_"What? At the hospital? What hospital?? We should so go there quickly, he needs us. We should be there for him because we're his family right?! So what are we just standing here for–" Octavia cuts her off._

_"Ark Memorial Hospital, he just needs you, Clarke. He'll explain everything. But all I have to say is. Hurry," She tells Clarke._

_Clarke rather not waste time and ask questions, she then pursuits to exit through the back gate and heads for Octavia and Lincoln's car as it has seemed that Bellamy took theirs. The distance from Raven's house and the hospital is quite the drive and it causes an already anxious Clarke to become even more anxious. Trying her best to stick with the speed limit, and drive safely._

_Clarke arrives at Ark Memorial Hospital in no later than 15 minutes and parks at the free visitor parking lot, exiting the car and entering the building with hast. She rushing to the reception desk in the face with the receptionist._

_"Bellamy, Bellamy Blake," She says to her before the receptionist could even greet her._

_The women just follow along and search the inquiry of Bellamy Blake, though nothing appears. "Ma'am I'm sorry but there is no recent record of a Mr. Bellamy Blake, the only Blake that appears in our records is a Blake Winston, are you sure this is the right hospital Ma'm?" She questions Clarke._

_The stress and worry have most definitely become evident on Clarke's face, putting both hands on the counter trying to calm herself down, "Yes, I'm sure! This is where he is meant to be! If you would just look again, the name is Bellamy Blak-" Someone cuts her off, no one other than Bellamy Blake himself._

_She turns her body around to the voice of her partner and she immediately forgets about the receptionist and races over to Bellamy and hugs him tightly on her tippy toes, placing her face into the crook of his neck and inhale his scent. Bellamy hesitated for a moment but finally comes back to reality and wraps his muscular forearms around her curved yet petite waist._

_"Clarke, thank God you're here" He sighs in relief, immensely happy to know she is in his arms right now. Where she belongs._

_Clarke realizes the current state and location they were in, therefore she pulls away not yet at ease. She raises her arms and rests both of her small palms on the sides of his face, gently caressing him. "I thought something had happened to you, you-you were gone! I had no i-idea where you had gone off to. You did- didn't send a text or tell anyone at all. I just kept thinking of the- the worse things... I can't lose you Bell, so please don't do that ever again" She rambles to the man in front of her, trying to catch her breath when she finishes her sentence._

_"Hey, shhh. I'm okay, I'm right here" Now it's Bellamy's time to comfort her, as he cups her face and pushes back stray hairs that came loose from her hairdo._

_Clarke can barely meet his eyes due to her heart still racing and pounding. "Look at me, please Clarke look at me," He tells her and she reluctantly obeys. Her blue eyes now meeting his dark brown ones._

_"Whatever happens, just know that I will forever love you. That you are the one for me and that you are one heck of a woman. Never forget that okay?" Bellamy says to her randomly, it causes Clarke to furrow her brows and looks at him in confusion._

_"Bell, what are you talking about? I don't get you-" Clarke stops talking as a nurse approaches the two. "Mr. Bellamy Blake? Are you the guardian of the patient in room 109? If so can you please follow me as you need to sign some forms, you can then visit the patient as soon as she has woken up" The woman says to Bellamy and waits for him to follow her._

_Bellamy quickly grabs hold of Clarke's hands and looks at her with full sincerity and honesty, "Stay here yeah? When I come back I'll explain everything, I promise" And let's go to follow the nurse's lead._

_A million questions that are going in and out of Clarke's head creates a slight headache. The idea of Bellamy keeping something from her is unsettling as well, as their relationship revolves around communication and honesty. This is something else, Clarke knows that this is so much more. Clarke sits down onto one of the waiting room chairs, not able to steady her legs from shaking up and down. Feeling on edge and obviously cannot wait on Bellamy any longer, she gets up and begins to walk down the corridors searching for room 109. Breaking a promise to Bellamy, saying that she would just stay there, but her curiosity got the better of her. Not even having the slightest idea of who may be in that room._

_Following all the signs from above asking a nurse or two on the way in the elevator, she arrives in front of room 109. As Clarke's hand reaches for the doorknob, there is a small ounce of hesitation not knowing what to expect, she turns around in last minute decisions and is about to walk back to the elevator, back to Bellamy. Not until she hears the door begin to open up behind her._

_"Are you here to see Ms, Martin?" A nurse asks Clarke, causing Clarke to turn around and smile at the nurse politely._

_Clarke knows only one specific Martin, and that's all she needed to know. "Ah, yes! I was just wondering if my sister is allowed visitors now? The nurse downstairs said she is awake? Unless I misheard, I can just wait downstairs-" Clarke says in a rush and starts to walk away slowly._

_"Oh please! Go right ahead, well family is family. She'll be ecstatic to see you, I sincerely hope she gets better" This time the woman sends Clarke a sad yet hopeful smile and walks away with her clipboard in hand ready to check up on other patients._

_The guilt is building up inside of Clarke and it causes her stomach to twist and turn in all the uncomfortable areas. Lying is one thing, but lying for her own benefit is another. Finally, Clarke opens the door and quietly walks inside. Shutting the door behind her and watching her paces, making sure her footing was not heavy or her breathing even. If a patient is occupying a room alone it could mean either two things one, she or family requested for that luxury and/or privacy, or two, she is in critical health and needs intensive care._

_Clarke approaches the bed and sees the board hanging off the metal frame of the hospital bed, Gina Martin. A good friend of the whole gang, and a really important person when it comes to Bellamy. Clarke can't necessarily relate when it comes to having a great friendship with Gina, as she is merely a stranger to her. Although, the only recollection she purely has of Gina is that, she broke Bellamy's heart. Up and left him, without giving him a valid reason except saying "I can't do this anymore"_

_With that being said, Clarke and everyone knew right then and there that Bellamy didn't need people, he needed people that would just simply stay. The ones that would choose to stay for the sole purpose of wanting to be with him, that's why Clarke did that. As she knows that she will always stay, no matter where the wind or ocean leads her, she'll always find her way back to her Bellamy Blake._

_Clarke cautiously walks beside Gina's bed and carefully sits on a chair right next to her, watching her rest. Clarke inspects her face and sees tiredness evident on her face, dark circles forming and her pale skin looking quite ill. Her lips looking dry and even just a bit ghostly, causing Clarke to feel nothing more but concerned._

_Gina's closed eyelids shift and begin to stir a little in bed, now awake and aware that Clarke is the visitor beside her. "Clarke..." Gina whispers_

_"Hey..." Clarke whispers back, not entirely sure on what to reply back to her._

_The awkward silence fills the room and it pains the two, not knowing who should talk first, therefore Clarke waits for her to lead the conversation._

_"I know this is the strangest thing, and you must have a million questions going in your head, but I can answer a bunch with this. I'm dying from cancer" Gina forces a tired smile and sighs._

_Clarke's eyes widen in shock, didn't expect that nor anything that startling. Now it's Clarke's mouth that winds up dry, her throat too._

_"You don't have to say anything, It's a lot to take in even for myself still. I just want to let you know that it was not my intent to let you or Bellamy know of this, I just wanted to coexist with this and hope that Bellamy would never have to find out," She explains to Clarke pausing for a moment to rest her neck against the pillow and stare up towards the ceiling fan above her._

_Clarke listens intentively, letting her talk._

_"I went to work today and I know to not strain myself because doctors orders" Gina sends a weak chuckle, then continues._

_"But I don't know what happened, one moment I was wiping tables, the next thing I remember was everything fading to black. Now we are here, it turns out Bellamy is still listed as my emergency contact... I'm so sorry Clarke"_

_Clarke's head jolts up and looks at a teary-eyed Gina, "Why are you apologizing for?" She questions her._

_"Because I'm just a burden to Bellamy and now you," She meeks out._

_"No, no you're wrong. Did you want this? Did Bellamy ask for this? No one did Gina! That's why you need to get better and by you feeling this way it's not going to happen, people need you. You may think I wouldn't know anything when it's about you but guess what? People care for you, therefore don't think you're a burden. Okay?" Clarke responds, getting all emotional then it creates a small pregnant pause,_

_"Bellamy is insanely lucky to have someone like you Clarke, and I'm not just saying that because of what you said, it's of what I know. But Clarke, I have no one like that, no one to love me unconditionally. The true reason as to why I left Bellamy was because... I didn't want him to bear with the thought of me dying, or me having to leave him. And I know that I will regret that decision for the rest of my life, but I'm going to be okay because I know that he has you" Gina smiles at her gratefully as tears flow down her face, still looking beautiful as ever._

_It all made sense now to Clarke, the truth behind Gina's departure was to ease the pain of her leaving knowing she healthy and not dying from a disease, in order to protect Bellamy's heart. "So, you knew?" Clarke asked hesitantly._

_"Yes, I didn't want to hurt Bellamy, but this was the only way-" Gina gets cut off by Clarke._

_"And what? He finds out you died alone? By yourself? Without him by your side? That Gina, that's what's going to hurt Bell! He will live with that burden and you were willing enough for that to happen" Clarke's anger rises, as well as her sadness. Hot tears spilling and gushing down, Gina's sobs are seen after._

_"No, no, no. Because I knew he had you, and he had everyone!" Gina says crying._

_"He loved you! More than anything, and you think that can be easily dismissed?" Clarke gets up from the chair, now standing to feel slightly weak._

_"No, but-" She tries with her best efforts to stop the tears from coming out._

_"Do you still love Bellamy, Gina?" Clarke says in a now softer tone, now more calm and less hysterical._

_"What?" Gina shifts her body more towards Clarke, confused with the sudden question._

_"I said, do you still love Bellamy?" Clarke asks again. Deeply hurting inside due to the question she is asking the woman lying on the bed in front of her._

_"Yes," Gina doesn't hesitate._

_The only thing Clarke needed to hear, no hesitation and a straight answer with no 'but's' or 'um's', just a solid yes._

_"Then love him, look I need to go and you need your rest. Now promise me something," Clarke slowly walks to the door and just stands there, still having much to say before she leaves Gina alone._

_"You have to keep on living, not only for Bellamy, not for us but for yourself. I know you can do it, as long as you have Bellamy by your side. That's why, when you say you love him, I expect you to love him with all your heart and never let go of him even if he asks you too. Because I know, he still loves you. You need a reason to live? Live a life you want and strive for it. Don't give up, please." After that, Clarke just leaves._

_The moment she closes the door, she leans back onto the door and sobs hot tears, lifting her sleeves up against her mouth in order to stop her agonizing cries. She just cries and cries, for Gina, Bellamy and herself. Clarke knew she was bound to see Bellamy soon, therefore she tried to wipe away her tears as fast as she can and fix her hair because she is looking quite the mess._

_"Clarke?" Bellamy just came out of the elevator and looking in shambles himself, he paces quickly to her and grabs her face forcing Clarke to look him in eye level._

_Clarke tries really hard to pull away, not clear on what she has to say to Bellamy, 'I spoke to your ex-girlfriend and well, she's dying. That's why I'm giving you up, in order for her to live. Because she needs you and I know you still love her', or something along those lines._

_"Bellamy, I-I can't. I'm sorry" Clarke escapes from his warm and tight hold, running towards the elevator doors which are about to close but successfully makes it._

_"No! Clarke wait!" Bellamy runs after her, yet fails as the elevator doors have shut on him. This causes Bellamy to hit the elevator and briskly heads for the stairs, hoping he can beat her arrival to the ground floor._

_Clarke is already outside, she exited the building now approaching the parking lot. Though a hug from the behind stops her and pains Clarke so much more rather than comfort her._

_"Please, Clarke. Baby, don't go. I'm going to explain. It's nothing, Gina and I have nothing going on! I'm still on as her emergency contacts-" He explains faster then tidal waves crashing down onto a shore._

_Clarke squeezes her eyes shut and relaxes her body against his, not wanting him to let go. "Hey, hey. Bell, It's okay," Clarke unfolds his arms from her waist and turns herself around so she can face him. She holds his hands as if they were like a prayer._

_"I know everything, I know about her condition. It's okay, you should go back to her. She needs you and you know she can't do this alone. My mother told me that if a patient is efficiently happy, it causes them to live longer. It may sound nothing but theories but I believe it, now please Bell, don't make this harder then it already is" Clarke just smiles weakly and her blue eyes looking dead._

_Bellamy looks taken aback, "What do you mean 'don't make this harder', what are you talking about? Do you... Did you expect me to leave you the moment I found out about Gina and the reason as to why she left? Clarke, you're actually insane!" Bellamy says, raises his arms up reaching for his curls and tugging on them slightly._

_Clarke lets out a shaky breath and closes her eyes once more._

_"No, Bellamy. I'm leaving you" She opens her eyes slowly and she sees the man before her tearing up._

_Bellamy pulls Clarke in for a tight hug, grabbing onto her hair and the nape of her neck. "No, no, nope. You are not leaving me, Clarke, you understand? I'm not letting you go, we can be there for Gina together, we can figure something out! I'm not losing you!" He sobs into her neck, having Clarke have to feel every word he meant and every pain he expressed. The emotions coursing through her body._

_"You saying this puts an end to Gina. We're still breathing Bell, but as for Gina. She is losing hope. I love you, and because I love you, I know you love Gina. That you want her to live just as much as you would want anyone too. You're not losing me, I'm still here. It just won't be us anymore, you understand? I love you, Bellamy Blake. With every fiber in my body, you are utterly the most amazing person that I have come across and no one can replace that. You'll just have to let me go, because I am 100% sure we will meet again, in the next life, the life after that and all the million lives next" She croaks out and chuckles at the last sentence while tears are still spilling out._

_"But I love you, Clarke, you're mine" Bellamy murmurs out weakly. Still hugging the love of his life with everything he gots._

_"And you're mine, always"_

"Earth to Clarke? Hello!" Clarke is awakened from her daydreaming by Raven and the other girls behind her.

"You alright Girlie? You just zoned out there for a while" Raven tilts her head, inspecting Clarke to see if she was physically feeling alright.

Clarke just waves a hand and smiles, "Of course I'm fine, now come one. It's almost time"

"No seriously Clarke, you alright? And I mean, they can wait! It's marriage, not rocket science" Raven laughs.

"If you're thinking that I'm going to have a mental breakdown and cry right now, you're wrong. My pride will get the better of me" Clarke steps aside and in the direction of the church.

"Now for real, let's go. Bellamy is waiting," Hearing the wedding bells commence, knowing that its the bridesmaids' queue to begin walking.

Clarke inhales a deep breath and walks down the aisle with no partner by her side, she looks directly ahead and she sees the love of her life staring back at her. Time seemed to have stopped for her at that moment. Bellamy was looking at her the way he did all those years ago.

She smiles at him and gives a nod, turning to the left and puts a thumbs up for him. To let him know that not only is she okay, but he is doing great at the altar.

The atmosphere changes as soon as the song changes, more appropriate for a bride to walk down the aisle. Everyone in the crowd is dumbfounded by Gina and how stunning she looks in her dress, that she was the star of the show and no one can take that from her. The groom at the altar was in a daze as well, looking at her ever so lovingly.

As everyone has settled and the holy matrimony begins, the attention is brought to the two and the clergy. Everything just passes Clarke, like it was the wind and it ended so soon. By the time the clergy asked if anyone wanted to say something or they will forever hold their peace, Clarke did. The ceremony ended, the band started to play, flowers and confetti were being thrown all over the place, including the entrance. Although, there still stands Clarke Griffin.

The girl who grew up with everything and so much more, but couldn't have Bellamy Blake as her husband. Was she okay with that? No, but she will survive. Clarke will be able to manage, she has been for a while now.

In the distance you can see Bellamy and Gina enter their vehicle, looking madly in love. The hurt and envy creeping up on her in the back of her neck, but she lets the feelings surpass as she has no right to feel that way anymore.

Clarke knows in her heart that love has no time limit or expiration date, that the universe will find a way for them to find each other again, with less pain and anguish. Hence, she watches them leave and before the car completely vanishes from the horizon Clarke whispers to the world and smiles,

"May we meet again"

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> "write drunk, edit sober."
> 
> follow me on Tumblr for updates on how I write, or where my inspiration comes from and my expressive thoughts on the show/characters. as well as, if you have any story request! please and thank you!
> 
> @incarusarchive - https://incarusarchive.tumblr.com/


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